Sunday, March 10, 2019


It's funny how sometimes things just work out. This morning I stepped on the scale and -- eyeing the 160 pounds on the dial -- was transported back to just six months ago, when it would have read 200+ and felt immovable. It had taken me years of steady eating and relatively little physical exertion (kind of my natural state), to reach that pinnacle. And now -- following my self-imposed, though involuntary, starvation diet -- I find myself at a place where I am "fixed" (see the fascinating video below if you want to know what they did to me and have the stomach {pun intended} for such things):

I now have a choice: I can either try to put my body in better, though probably still asymmetrical shape (once my small incisions heal) or succumb to my baser snacking urges and put the weight back on. While I've been able to eat pretty normally over the past week (though only liquids and "soft" foods), my stomach has not expanded enough to truly make me hungry.  I'm hoping I can maintain that general attitude about food, seeing as for awhile after the stroke, I think I rationalized comfort food as something I deserved (And when you feel you deserve something, you "De Serve" yourself). Even after getting the ok from my doctor to eat an unrestricted diet, pushing the boundaries of excess amounted to eating a second piece of pizza on Friday movie night (Joe Versus the Volcano)

Like the titular Joe, I've often felt like I had a "brain cloud". Obviously, it's romanticized and a fairy tale to believe that hyper awareness of one's mortality is enough to make life so easily lived bigly. But I have said (to myself and others) that my semicolon has given me more than its taken away. That is certainly not true for everyone experiencing it vicariously, but it has at the very least given me a meaningful and authoritative voice on a subject no one else can claim expertise -- my own experience. It's downright empowering to be that confident in one's knowledge and capabilities.

How can I call that anything other than a gift?