My Life as a Semicolon ; ): A Measured Response

Saturday, November 19, 2016

A Measured Response

My first foray into politics did not quite yield the desired results (I obviously don't have a strong swing state readership), but it was unreasonable to think it would or could.

With my disappointment over the Presidential election results, I find myself challenged by uncertainty in a way which is not unfamiliar to me but which I must approach with the same conscious and conscientious attitude I have lived every day of my life for the past six years. I single out that timeframe for the simple reason that since my stroke I have to be very planful about how I expend my extremely-limited focus and energy.

Yes, I'm disappointed in the message our country has sent itself and the world in terms of angry, fear-mongering rhetoric. But I'm still willing to accept the election results and see which Donald Trump shows up for work. I will not protest his presidency unless he tries to follow through on the hateful promises he made to sell himself as a candidate of change.

I can't back the #NotMyPresident movement, because it is just as rigid as the fear Clinton supporters had that Trump and his supporters would not accept the results of the election had he lost.

Acceptance is by no means easy. It's taken me many years to recognize that acceptance of my particular situation isn't the same as surrendering to it. As a brain injury friend reminds me whenever I bring it up, "surrenders are negotiated". Surrender is not the same as acquiescence. So, no, I'm not happy about the state of the nation, but it does me and no one else any good to assume the worst and unnecessarily expend energy railing against hypotheticals. We'll need our strength to remain vigilant and confront the realities of the world. As I learned from a Walt Whitman quote on an ex-girlfriend's Body Shop t-shirt: ...re-examine all you have been told ..., dismiss whatever insults your own soul....

We will get through this as long as we choose to stand by our core values and stop suspiciously eyeing each other through pinhole camera lenses.

My Life as a Semicolon ; )

Saturday, November 19, 2016

A Measured Response

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Activities	Immediately after Stroke(early Oct. 2010)	When I left MGH/arrived at NERHP(mid-Oct. 2010)	When I left the rehab (12/21/10)	Now (02/21/13)
Eating	I started with an an NG-Tube, which was inserted during my original surgery and soon was given a G-tube, during a separate surgery. My primary source of nutrients was called Jevity, which is not as much fun or tastyas it sounds.I actually have no idea what it tastes like, but it looks and smells like a combination of coffee milk and Yoo-Hoo	Still on an all-liquid diet of Jevity through my feeding tube.	Early in my stay at the rehab, I took a Modified-Barium-Swallow test with my speech therapist in order to confirm that the stroke had not damaged my ability to swallow or my gag reflex. After passing the test, I was allowed to eat solid food, though even that came in stages. For instance, I rememberthe first group of foods were "mechanical soft" and I drank "nectar thick" liquids"	I try to eat a healthy diet and have no specific restrictions.
Therapy	approximately one hour a day of OT and PT.	approximately three hours a day of OT, PT, and speech therapy (speech encompasses talking, drinking, eating, and cognitive functions.	approximately three hours a day of OT and PT. I was discharged from speech therapy relatively early on, once it was determined that my cognition, speech, and swallowing were relatively fine	After leaving inpatient at the rehab, I began outpatient OT and PT twice a week and also had in-home OT and PT twice a week. after receiving the results of my neuropsych evaluation, speech therapy was added back in. I then had to eliminate some therapy in order to free up time for my return to work. In 2012 I did no formal OT or PT but tried other forms of therapy like chiropractic and Feldenkrais. I am also going to try craniosacral therapy. I've regularly seen a psychologist throughout my recovery.
Walking	None	None	walking with close supervision and the support of an AFO brace and quad cane	walking independently, with the support of a KAFO brace and a straight cane, now equipped with a standing tip(which I love). I periodically walk without cane or brace, when the occasion calls for it (like carrying something).
Toileting	during my original surgery, I was given a Foley cath– an internal catheter – which remained in place for quite a while. It think after not producing enough in my catheter bag, I was given another internal catheter – this time a Straight cath. They can only stay in for relatively short time,I think, so I was granted the opportunity to try aTexas Condom Cath. After that proved unsuccessful, I was given what was simply called a Urinal, but which I referred to as my "pee jug"	Urinal	urinal at night, toilet during the day	all toilet all the time; no assistance required
Bathing	bed/sponge baths	bed/sponge baths,though after about two weeks inpatient at the rehab, I started showering periodically with assistance	showering, seated, with minimal assistance	showering, seated, with no assistance, standing with some assistance
Dressing	maximum assistance required	maximum assistance required	some assistance required	no assistance required, except with some jackets and zippers
Balance	could not stand or sit up straight	could not stand or sit up straight	could stand and sit for short periods of time	can stand and sit without assistance for relatively long stretches of time
Left Leg/Foot	no movement	no movement	large movement from hip and quad.weak in hamstring. no movement in ankle or toes	still weak in hamstring, but much stronger in leg overall. Some ankle motion, but nothing in my toes.
Left Arm/Hand	no movement	no movement	large movements from the shoulder and bicep. Some hand grip. No finger extension.	similar to when I left the rehab, though large movements are easier and my grip is a bit stronger.
Speech	Little and/or slurred	slurred Jamie often remarked that I had a "flat affect."	relatively clear.	most people say they don't notice any issues with my speech, but I still notice some slurring when I raise my voice (which, of course, never happens in a house with two young boys) or when I try to string together too many thoughts or syllables at once; I can't seem to whistle like I used to, my pitch is a little off when singing; and I can't curl my tongue anymore.
Pain	negligible	negligible	negligible	headaches periodically, but no general pain
Aneurysm	primarily removed	no change	no change	as far as we know, no change
Seizures	gone	no change	no change	gran-Mal seizure while sleeping, in August 2012.
Skull	a portion was missing (on purpose)	no change	cranioplasty completed	scars are healing well. There are some "irregularities" in how the plates have healed, especially with the plastic skull flap. That's not unusual. Sensation is returning to areas of my scalp where nerves were severed during surgeries. Sometimes this can cause odd sensations, but not pain per se. I do have some pain when yawning.
Medication	antiseizure meds,Heparin anti-clotting shots to my belly (which is standard for bedridden patients), beta blocker for high blood pressure, though, that was primarily a reaction to my heart episode, not an actual issue with high blood pressure; Lipitor to lower cholesterol, though, that also was prescribed primarily in reaction to my heart episode and the stroke. Baclofen for spasticity.	no change	no change	I'm no longer on the beta blocker, since my blood pressure has stabilized. I've also reduced my Lipitor intake, because my liver enzymes were not reacting well with it.Since I am no longer in bed as much, I did not need the Heparin shots once I returned home. Anti-seizure meds were increased after my 2012 seizure. Lexapro for mild depression.
Heart	some sort of heart episode had occurred, but no direct cause – other than brain surgery – was identified	no change	chemical stress test did not identify any long-term damage caused by heart attack or risk factors for future concerns	no change
Falls	None, though if I had been left alone, I certainly would've fallen over	same	no falls during my time at the rehab, though, I had a couple close calls during transfers from my wheelchair, or when trying to move too quickly	I've had a few falls at home, up through 2012, but have also regularly practiced getting up from the floor during PT. I have to be cautious but not fear falls
Wheelchair	the only way I could be moved was by wheelchair or gurney, primarily gurney	same	I did use the wheelchair for "long"trips down the hall.	When first at home, the wheelchair was the easiest way to get me around or in and out of the house and car. I no longer use it except on excursions that would require a great deal of walking, such as at the airport.
Stairs	None	same	some use of "practice stairs." And actual stairwells, always with supervision	when first at home, I stayed on the ground floor of the house at all times, but now go upstairs to sleep and shower, as well as down to the basement for exercise. I still mostly go one step at a time (as opposed to stepping "reciprocally"), but only need supervision when there is no railing on my right side – up or down. Regularly exercise at work by reciprocally climbing three flights of stairs.
Driving	none	same	same	Car modified for one-handed operation, I got my license back at the end of January 2013.
Sleep	this fight, the noise of the hospital, I generally slept okay. I was pretty exhausted and at times still groggy from anesthesia.	same	I went through some periods of sleeplessness due to noise in the rehab and was given some sleeping aids, which helped.	I've been sleeping pretty well, aside from typical interruptions of young children. Diagnosed with mild sleep apnea in February 2013.
Work	none	none	none	From 7/11 through 12/11, ramped up from part-time at home to fulltime from home . From 1/12-6/12, ramped up from part-time in the office to fulltime in the office, which continues.
Mood	upset by my circumstances but generally positive	same	same	I think working has given me a boost to a certain extent. I try to be positive, though certainly get frustrated at times. I'm also on Lexapro, in part because a study showed a connection between SSRIs and neurological healing. At worst, the study found that patients were less depressed and more motivated to work toward recovery.
Exercise	Little to none	same	I considered all therapy to be exercise.	Again, therapy has been exercise. Without formal therapy, I do regular stretching and have recently added a treadmill to our inventory of equipment. This will hopefully help improve my stamina in preparation for time in the office, as well as help me focus on walking pace and form. I've also been using ourWii balance board, which includes fun, but safe ways for me to put my balance to the test.
Tactile sensitivity	slightly diminished– if tested subtly, for instance, with a Q-tip, I could not easily identify which finger on my left hand was being touched.	same	improved	relatively normal, though I am somewhat hypersensitive to heat and cold.