Sunday, February 24, 2019


Without being morbid, fatalistic, melodramatic, or pessimistic, I feel compelled to write another Last Pre-Surgery Post.

While my upcoming procedure doesn't seem as menacing as, say, brain surgery, it is the first time I'll be going under General Anesthesia since my cranioplasty. While I don't remember personally being particularly worried at the time about that, I know it was stressful for my family (as seen in this post from Jamie). So I'm pleased at least to have an uneventful procedure under my belt . It's also nice to think that -- like putting my skull back together -- taking my throat apart should yield meaningful, positive benefits. But there's that horrible word (should). There are no guarantees, and I can't bring myself to go into this next step with a completely rosy demeanor.

I'm not proud to admit but also not ashamed to say that I recently re-watched both the entire Terminator and Matrix movie series and binged Netflix's time-and-space-defying Russian Doll and The Umbrella Academy. And if I've learned anything from this endeavor, it's that you make your own fate and that no prophecy or so-called inevitability can prevent you from being the master of your own life. Because if you limit yourself to a single path, you'll inevitably ruin the franchise.

Jumping intellectual properties and following the wisdom of Han Solo: "There's no mystical energy field that controls my destiny. It's all a lot of simple tricks and nonsense."

I feel in some ways like I'm at another crossroads. I believe my original semicolon pause gave me incredible insight into the human condition, and I'd like to continue honoring that journey as I move forward, whatever that progress looks like. I think I originally looked at what was happening to me as an opportunity, a second chance, to live my life to the fullest. I think I've been doing that on my own terms and with purpose. I'm proud of that, despite the fact that -- or maybe because -- my fullest doesn't include partying with Bono while snowboarding down Mount Everest on the back of a yeti. Now I think it may be time to truly start the rest of my sentence.

If all goes well, you should hear from me again the evening of Monday, February 25th (here and/or on Twitter and Facebook). I've also confirmed Jamie still has access to update the blog. If only I could find my damn living will (not morbid).

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